2nd Installment of " A guide to Aussie Land"

Some inhabitants....




The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history; some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food and a lot of them died. The ones that survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders.
They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up stories.

Then around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge.
They tried to plant their crops, (failing to take account of the reversal of seasons when moving from the top half of the planet to the bottom), ate all their food, and a lot of them died.
About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since.
It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say)- whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick.

Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on Extended Holiday and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside your boots every morning for fatal surprises.
They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned.

There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world. Although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to content with sharks, stinging jelyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits at the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock, and has venemous barbs stcking out of it's back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders.
However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.

As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombat, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick.
Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud. Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the "Grass is greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz", "Godzone" ( a verbal contraction of "God's own country") and "Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth.
The irritating thing about this is they may be right.

There are some traps for the unsuspecting traveller, though. Do not under any circumstances suggest that the beer is imperfect, unless you are comparing it to another kind of Australian beer.
Do not wear a Hawaiian shirt.
Religion and politics are safe topics of conversation (Australians don't care much about either) but Sport is a minefield.
The only correct answer to "So howdya' like our country, eh? is "Best ( insert your own regional swear word here) country in the world!"

Final episode tommorow...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing.

What! is it nothing to be happy, nothing to skip, play and run around all day long?

Never in his life will he be so busy again.